At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
