I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i want to swaddle you in tequila
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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