His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
