I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
