piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
