Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
