ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
