I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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