You're my little dorito
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
