I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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