I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
