just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize