shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
