did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
