They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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