So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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