I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
