South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
