My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
