remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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