it wasn't lemon gatorade
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
