what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
