Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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