im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
