Kiss
Puke
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
