You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hippo gnu deer
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
