I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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