We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Damn victory sex feels great
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
