remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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