I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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