I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
