Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
