If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
