hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
