Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
