My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
