This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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