Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My penis needs a shock collar
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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