You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
