your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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