either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
