Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
