Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
