Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
