can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
