Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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