do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
