I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
