I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
