I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
