there's paper in my vomit.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
