There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
