why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
