Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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