so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
