How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
