the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
