my vag is so smooth its legendary
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
