when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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