If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize