i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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