dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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