Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
