Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
