Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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