Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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