it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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