thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
did you just send me my own nude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
