He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
