eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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