The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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