2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
