I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize