I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize