o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
