so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
