Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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