my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What drink are we having for lunch?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
