I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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