Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
