She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
