While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
